Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Things I Learned At Work

  This is a list of valuable lessons I have learned from different jobs I have had. Read this list and remember as much as you can. This is just a small amount of what I have learned, nevertheless it is important.

  • Do not be yourself
  • Lie
  • Do not talk about coworkers to other co workers
  • Do not have sex with a coworker unless you know you will not be working with them for long
  • Do not trust your coworkers
  • Learn everyones name as soon as possible
  • Do not be boring
  • Be cool with everyone
  • Buy kool-aid and shit so everyone likes you
  • Do the best job you possibly can
  • Do not work for a flat hourly rate
  • Do not work at Johnny Rockets
  • Do not work at a grocery store
  • Do not take pens home
  • Shower regularly
  • Just leave your manager's Justin Beiber song on, it will end eventually
  • Do not be the company bitch
  • Do not dress up like a penguin when you have a fever and bronchitis
  • Do not drink while on the job
  • Take all your breaks and lunches
  • Have a written copy of your hours worked
  • Try to arrive to work 15 minutes early
  • Leave if the job makes you miserable
  • If you smoke weed/do drugs do not accept the promotion
  • Hair tests are hard to pass
  • Pee tests are easy to pass
  • Hide your boner, Pro tip: Bite your wrist and think of dead babies
  • If someone you are attracted to gives you their number, be sure to label it correctly
  • Correctly label the member of the opposite sex's number
  • Keep your clothes clean and pressed
  • Manage your hair
  • Be your managers friend but not too much
  • Learn the place before you slack or mess around
  • Take advantage of any discounts
  • Avoid having your friends visit you at work
  • Eat before work
  • Be prepared for anything
  • Be truthful
  • Love your job or find a new one


  1. Should I both lie and be truthful, or do I choose?

  2. you will know when the time is right.